Anticipation
by jenorama
Summary: Ron has a nagging feeling that something is about to happen, but he can't put his finger on what it could possibly be. Originally published in 2004, this occurs immediately before Reconnecting.


I step out of the busy Portkey office into the late summer sunshine of Diagon Alley and take a look around to give myself a moment to reorient myself. International Portkey travel is always tricky and I haven't always done well with it in the past. Not much has changed in the intervening years since I had last set foot in this place and it is as busy as it ever was. I shoulder my bag, heading for Gringott's to change my American Muggle cash for British and to convert some more Wizarding gold. A few minutes later, I walk out of the Leaky Cauldron and into Muggle London, heading for my hotel.

I suppose I could have arranged a stay at the Leaky Cauldron, but I don't want to jump back in with both feet just yet. At the pub, there are too many people I might run into there, too many memories to come back to me in a rush. I need to take this slowly, so I hail a cab to take me to the Howard. Once checked in, I put away the things I had brought with me, hanging up a set of very formal black robes I haven't worn in years other than the quick try on the night before.

Tasks completed, I feel at loose ends. My appointment isn't until tomorrow and I didn't really have anything else planned for today. I'm not tired, but I don't really feel like leaving the hotel room, either. So, I do what I always do in these sorts of situations and I sit down with a book, trying not to think too much about the memories that threaten to overwhelm me at any moment.

My meeting the next day isn't until lunchtime, so I use the opportunity for a lie-in and take my time getting ready, studying my face in the mirror above the vanity in the lavatory. I decide against makeup, knowing the person I am going to see won't be impressed by it. My hair is longer than usual and streaked with gold from all my time outdoors and I am very tan. I peer closer and I can just make out a light smattering of freckles across the bridge of my nose. I smile briefly, thinking of another freckle-spattered nose. I know I still look much too young for my age; at twenty-four I can still pass for seventeen. I wonder…if I were to pass him on the street, would he still be able to recognize me? Would I recognize him?

Shaking my head to dismiss my silly thoughts, I put on the heavy black robes, feeling their somber weight settle on my shoulders. The humidity here has made my hair wild and I frown as I work with it before giving up and putting it into a tight bun. Settling my glasses on my nose, I take a deep breath and a final look at the image I present, hoping no one else sees a young woman scared out of her wits.

xoxoxoxox

"… Ron! Hello? Are you there?" Harry waves his hand in my face and I jump, almost falling out of my chair.

"Sorry. Drifted off there for a minute." I can feel my face turning red and I studiously ignore the skeptical look in Harry's eyes, choosing to focus on my lunch instead.

"Right. Drifted off. Anyway, I was trying to ask you if you were interested in going to a party later on. Mason's throwing one tonight. You interested or do you have plans?"

"Plans? No, no plans. I suppose I could accompany you to a party. Where is it?"

"Dunno yet. Out in the country somewhere."

With some trepidation, I ask my next question. "Are you driving?"

"Oh yes. Been far too long, mate." Harry leans back in his chair looking at me with his 'serious face'. "What's been eating you?"

"What? Eating me? Nothing, mate. I'm brilliant," I lie, hoping he won't be able to pick up on it, Goddamn Legilimens that he is. Something has been eating at me and I have no idea what. I've checked up on George, Ginny, Mum and Dad. Even Bill and Charlie and I passed Percy in the hall the other day. Work is great, Harry's great, I just can't get rid of this nagging feeling of…something.

Harry nods and stands up. "I'm going to head back. You coming?"

"I'll be there in a bit, yeah?"

"Right, then. Don't forget that meeting at two, okay?"

"I won't. See you." I watch him walk away, noticing with a wry smile that he's left me his dishes to put away. "Nice," I mutter under my breath, shooting a glare at his back. Feeling too agitated to sit still, I gather up our dishes and walk them to the dish return and leave the canteen, lost in thought.

I know part of the reason I've been so distracted is that I've been dreaming again, dreaming of her. Most of this week, I've woken up with her voice in my ears and her name on my lips. The events in the dreams are random and don't seem to follow any particular sequence. Night before last, I dreamt of us together under the oak tree at the Burrow and this morning we were at the Yule ball in our fourth year, only there was no Krum and we danced together under the fairy lights. She was feather-light in my arms and smelled like heaven. I don't know why I'm dreaming of her again. I haven't dreamt about her this much since that time I spent in America and it's driving me crazy.

xoxoxoxox

The small graveyard is quiet and still, making me pause for a moment before entering the gates. I have not been back here since the funeral and I am very nervous, my hands sweating around the bunch of yellow primroses I am clutching. With a deep breath, I open the gate and walk slowly in, my memory leading me unerringly to the spot. I stand in front of the headstone, reading their names and dates, feeling cold despite the warmth of the day. Shivering, I sink down onto the cool grass and hug my knees to my body, rocking slowly back and forth.

I remember the moment I received the news like it was yesterday. The summer evening was winding down and I had been at the Burrow, chatting with Mrs. Weasley when an Auror I didn't know Apparated into the kitchen to deliver the news. I quite clearly remember the initial feeling of disbelief and then shock and denial. I was immediately enveloped in Mrs. Weasley's strong embrace where I shook and cried like a little girl until I was sent into a dreamless sleep by a strong cup of her special tea.

The next few days were like a terrible dream full of decisions I wasn't ready to make and I gladly let Molly and Arthur handle most of them while I spent most of my time on the couch in the lounge, hiding. One of the few things I insisted on doing myself was to draft an owl to Ron and Harry who were stuck in Bulgaria on survival training. The feeling of Ron's strong arms wrapped around me was the only thing I wanted other than my mum and dad and I couldn't have it. I suppose I resented him, the both of them, for not being able to be there for me in my time of need.

I lay the primroses on the grave and pick at the weeds that have sprung up through the soft green grass. Soon, I am on my knees, hard at work eradicating all of the stray intruders until I sit back on my haunches, wiping my hands on my jeans, the glint of the gold ring I've worn since that awful time catching my eye. I stare at the stone for a few minutes and tentatively, I begin to talk.

xoxoxoxox

"You have got to be shitting me!" The words explode out of my mouth and my fists come down hard on the arms of the chair I am sitting in, making me wince at the sound of cracking wood. I turn and look at Harry in the chair next to mine, expecting to see my outrage mirrored on his face. Rather than hot outrage, I see cool resignation in the grim set of his features.

"Now, Weasley, I know you and Potter—"

I don't wait for Jackson to finish speaking and I cut him off. "Two weeks! Two bloody weeks we had that bastard under surveillance and you are telling me that he is going to walk on a technicality?" Completely enraged, I stand up, pacing around the small office, running my hands through my shaggy hair. My still-healing knee gives me a twinge and fuels my anger. I point at the man behind the desk and glare at him. "You may have forgotten what it's like to freeze your bloody arse off, but I can guarantee you I haven't!"

"Ron—"

"No Harry! This is fucking bollocks and you know it!" I'm building up a good head of steam now, fueled mostly by memories of shivering miserably in the barren Scottish countryside waiting for Matthews to make a wrong move. We were supposed to rotate shifts with other Aurors, but Harry and I invariably ended up on nights, stuck out there on that damned heather. I wave my arms in anger, knocking one of the carefully hung plaques on the wall askew.

"Weasley, sit down this instant!" The commander's voice is sharp and I stop my pacing and glare at him again, taking my time back to my seat. "Now, I don't like it any more than you do, but once a criminal is brought in, it has to go through the courts." He gives me what I know he thinks of as his 'fatherly' look and nods his head at Harry and me. "You two are the best team we have out there. It's only a matter of time before you catch him again. Those kind can never stay out of trouble for very long." I fix my eyes on a point just above his shiny bald head and tune him out as he goes on talking, trying to nod in the right places.

Not for the first time, I think of quitting the Auror racket and going into something else. What else though? I could go in with George at the joke shop, but I don't think that's for me. Lately, I find myself dwelling on every buggering fuckwad that's managed to slip away and escape time in Azkaban. I've almost got myself convinced that I could do a better job of keeping those assholes put away. Jackson finally shuts up and I shuffle out of the office and back to my cubicle behind Harry. Once I'm where no one can see me, I surreptitiously open a desk drawer and pull out the brochure for King's College School of Law and flip through it. Listening to Ginny talk about going to Muggle medical school has got me thinking lately. To work with the Ministry, I need to also learn Magical Law, but why not do both?

I hear Harry walking toward my cube and I sweep the brochure back into the drawer. I haven't talked to him yet about the ideas going through my head. I don't know how to approach it without him thinking that I'm abandoning him or that my leaving is somehow his fault. He's gotten better about things like that as he's matured, but still. Trying to look busy with paperwork, I look up at his knock against the wall of the cube. "Yeah?"

"Hey, sorry about Matthews, mate." He looks down at the floor and his hands are in his pockets.

"No worries. Not your fault, yeah?"

"I should have made sure that we had an airtight case. More evidence or something, I dunno."

"Nah. We did the best we could. You heard Jackson. He'll fuck up again and we'll get him again. Next time, it'll stick." I make my voice sound confident as I slip into my old role, reassuring him and he smiles at me, not fooled for even a second. Damn Legilimens.

Pulling his hand out of his pocket, he twirls his car keys on his finger and arches his eyebrows. "Ready to go?"

I stand up from my desk and grin, glad to be getting out of this stifling office at last. "Hell yeah. Let's get the fuck out of here."

xoxoxoxox

The next couple of days are spent mostly in Muggle London. I haven't had a real vacation in years and I like going to the museums and spending time in their quiet vastness. I've been avoiding spending too much time in Diagon Alley, still afraid of who I might run into, but today the lure of Flourish and Blott's has proven too strong and it is there that I'm recognized.

"Hermione? Hermione Granger?" The voice rises almost to a shriek, causing me to wince and try to hide behind the book I am perusing. It's no use though and the owner of the voice comes closer, taking the book out of my hand.

"Parvati! How are you?" I force a fake happiness into my voice and look her over. She hasn't changed much in seven years. Her hair is still a glossy, perfect black and her skin is a beautiful coffee shade and completely flawless.

"I've been very well! I thought you had left England and gone to America!"

"I did. I've just come…back."

"Visiting anyone special?" She gives me a knowing smile and I swear there is a twinkle in her eye. I feel a blush rise on my cheeks, hoping my tan is enough to disguise it.

"No. Just…visiting. I had some business to take care of. I have to go back soon." I haven't exactly told her an outright lie, but it's not exactly the whole truth either and I hope that she doesn't pick up on the nervousness in my voice.

"Listen, why don't we have some lunch? We have so much to catch up on!" Her enthusiasm knows no bounds and if I'm being honest with myself, it will be nice to catch up on the news of everyone. Maybe I can find a way to get some information on a certain someone without being too obvious…

I allow her to whisk me out of the bookshop, but I balk at eating anywhere in Diagon Alley, insisting that we eat at a small café in Muggle London, pointing out that we'll be less likely to be interrupted there. She agrees and soon we are seated and chatting over our salads. I find out that she works at the Ministry in the Obliviator Headquarters as an executive assistant along with Lavender Brown. She tells me all about our Gryffindor classmates with two notable exceptions. Somehow, I know she's waiting for me to ask about them and I don't want to give her the satisfaction, but at the same time I am desperate for news. I don't want to hear that Ron has followed in his parents' footsteps and is the patriarch over a growing brood of Weasleys, that as soon as I left he found a nice girl to settle down with, someone he never argues with, someone who has dinner ready on the table and the children washed and fed when he comes home from a hard day of chasing down dark wizards.

So I smile and nod and make all the appropriate noises when she pauses for breath, which isn't often. A chime goes off and she looks down at the delicate watch on her equally delicate wrist and frowns. "I've got to dash. Listen, what are you doing tonight?"

Caught off guard by her question, I stammer, "I…I don't know. Nothing, really. I was thinking of going to the cinema…"

"No you're not! Tonight you are coming with me. There's going to be a really brilliant party tonight—you'll have a chance to see some people and catch them up."

"Oh, Parvati, I don't know…" I feel a panic begin to build in my chest at the thought of this party and the crowd of people that will undoubtedly be there.

"Come on, Hermione! You're not a Prefect or Head Girl anymore! Come with me tonight; I promise you'll have fun!"

Her smile is infectious and I find myself nodding. "Okay, you've convinced me. I'll go." She looks both amazed and ecstatic at my capitulation and we make arrangements to meet at the Leaky Cauldron later that evening. Too afraid to return to Flourish and Blott's, I spend the rest of the afternoon at a Muggle bookshop, idly thumbing through books I have no intention of buying. My mind is busy thinking of the upcoming evening. I am sorely tempted to stand Parvati up and not show up at the appointed time, but she was very generous to even invite me. As I nibble distractedly on a dry muffin in the bookstore café, I can't help but wonder who will be at this party.

xoxoxoxox

The ride with Harry is quite literally hair-raising and I'm hard pressed to keep my cool when he pushes the big car to its limit on the motorway. He speeds down the road, passing other cars as if they were standing still, weaving easily from lane to lane, never losing the calm, detached look on his face when cars in front of him brake suddenly. He steers easily with one hand, the other lying lightly on the gearshift knob, fingers tapping in time with the music. I, on the other hand, cannot seem to break my death grip on the armrest of the passenger door, knowing without even looking that my knuckles are white.

Harry is disappointed that there are no traffic cops about, but we've had our picture taken five or six times by now and that always amuses him. I let out a long breath when he takes the turnoff to the B road that leads to Mason's, knowing that he will slow down on the smaller country road. I finally relax and let go of the armrest, wiping the sweaty hand on my trousers, catching Harry's smile in the corner of my eye. "You're going to be the death of me," I grumble, looking out of the window at the stars just beginning to show in the darkening sky.

"Suck it up, you big baby."

"Who are you calling a big baby?" Harry smirks and gives me a sidelong glance, deliberately taking a curve in the road faster than usual. Caught off guard, I clutch the armrest again and curse. "Bugger! Settle it down mate, or I'm Apparating out of here!"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist. I'll get you to your fan club in once piece."

"Fan club," I mutter, relaxing again, embarrassed at my outburst. "You're no better." Harry snorts and continues to drive too fast. I look at him again and grin. "I'm surprised you still have a fan club after you started shaving again."

"The ladies love my boyish good looks."

"Ladies? Seems to me you've been in a bit of a dry spell lately, yeah?" I give him an evil grin. "Seen Ginny lately?"

"Shut it, Weasley." I had had high hopes for the two of them when Ginny broke it off with that Hudson, but then she started talking about going to Muggle medical school, even looking at schools in the States and it didn't look like Harry was going to stop her, so I guess that's that.

He doesn't say anything else and I try to settle down in the car seat, my mind buzzing with more than just Harry's insane driving. I know I've been feeling anxious all week and it's still driving me crazy that I don't know what's bothering me. I feel like I do sometimes before a big raid—everything inside of me is tense and wound up and deep in my gut I have the feeling like something is going to happen. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, willing my body and mind to calm down but it's no use.

"You all right, mate?"

"Yeah. Brilliant."

"Ron." Harry's voice has a touch of impatience.

"I know, I've been jumpy all day. I don't know why, Harry. I just feel...like something is going to happen."

Harry finally pulls into the driveway at Mason's and I can see the lights on inside the house and hear the loud music. The party is already in full swing and we are just on the edge of fashionably late. "Ron. We've been to a million of these things, yeah? What could possibly happen?"

xoxoxoxox

The moment I walk into the house, I regret it. The music is insanely loud, requiring everyone to shout to be heard above it. This in turn gets the music turned up even louder and after five minutes, my head is pounding. Also, after five minutes, my escort has deserted me, squealing and darting after someone I don't quite recognize. The smoke is thick and the press of bodies is unbearable. I have to get out and get some fresh air or I'll be smothered.

I start pushing through the bodies and someone I don't know thrusts a plastic cup of beer in my hand. I curse whatever momentary insanity had caused me to accept Parvati's invitation to this hellhole as I am jostled on all sides, nearly spilling the beer on myself. Breathing a sigh of relief, I spot the door to the back garden and gather my strength for the final push, stumbling when there are no more people around me. Two steps later, I am in the blessed outdoors taking great gulps of the fresh outside air.

I sniff the contents of the plastic cup I am still holding, I wrinkling my nose at the strong alcoholic smell and set it on a garden table. That's the last thing I need tonight. The garden is quite nice and though the music is still loud, it is a hundred times better out here than in the house. I should just leave and forget I ever wasted the time to come here. I sit down in one of the garden chairs set on the stone-flagged patio and take off my glasses, looking up at the sky. _A bath and a bite to eat would be perfect right about now_ , I muse. I pull out my wand and I am about to Apparate out of here when I hear a familiar voice behind me.

"Hermione? Hermione Granger?" I freeze for a moment, almost forgetting to breathe, hearing footsteps on the stone. A hand on my shoulder, clamping down like he'll never let go. "Hermione. It is you!"

Air rushes back into me at the touch and I can move again. I turn my head to the right, looking up at the man Harry Potter is now. "Harry," I whisper weakly, feeling the sharp prickle of tears in my eyes. Too overcome to stand, I remain seated as he kneels down to my level and engulfs me in his strong arms, holding me tightly. "Harry," I whisper again, burying my face in his shoulder and clinging to him like a limpet to a rock.

Releasing me, he holds me at arms length, looking intently at me. "Bloody hell! You haven't changed a bit!" I wish I could say the same for him, but I can't. He's not the seventeen-year-old boy I left Hogwarts with, not the eighteen-year-old that went off to Auror training, not some file photo staring back at me from the front page of the Daily Prophet. The living, breathing Harry Potter is so much more and I can see the fine lines of worry that have been etched on his face and my heart breaks for him.

His eerily green eyes are still bright though and they are looking at me with such love and affection that I can't believe that I have lived without him, without both of them, for so many long years. I should never have left. "I can't believe it! What are you doing here?" Not caring about the cold stone, Harry sits in front of me, clasping one of my hands in his warm ones.

"Parvati invited me..." I say stupidly, still overwhelmed by his very presence and unable to look away from him.

"Bugger that! Why are you here? Why are you back? When did you get here?"

"I'm here on...business. I got in earlier this week."

"Hermione, why? Why didn't you come see me? Come see us?" His brow creases in concern and I cringe inside.

"I don't have a really good reason, I guess. I was, I don't know, afraid?" It sounds lame, even to my ears and now that I am here with Harry in front of me I realize how stupid I've been to deny myself, to deny them. "Oh Harry, I've been such an idiot!" I cover my face with my free hand and he tugs it away, holding it in his.

"No. You did what you felt you had to do. Look at me." Reluctantly I obey and I see the intensity I remember from our tumultuous childhood. "Hermione, don't worry about it. You're still my best friend, yeah? I understand, okay? I understand." I nod, fighting back tears again. "Look, don't cry, you know I'm rubbish with crying women." He smiles and I can't help but smile in return. He always was hopeless when it came to emotional women and I guess some things never change.

Harry stands and dusts off the bottom of his black trousers, holding out his hand to me. "Come on. You know you want to see him." A tingle runs through my body and completely unbidden a memory floats to the surface of my mind. The memory of a West Country voice telling me that he loved me and the vision of intense blue eyes boring into mine. Taking Harry's hand, I let him lead me back into the noisy, crowded house.

xoxoxoxox

"Come on Weasley, give us a proper black and tan, then!" Two open bottles of beer are thrust in front of me and I try to summon up some of my usual enthusiasm.

"All right, Parker, seeing as how you can't do it yourself!" I have to shout to be heard above the auditory assault that is the music. I give Parker what I hope is my usual easy smile and take the bottle of Bass, pouring it carefully into one of the plastic cups stacked on the bar I am standing behind. Around me, the chatter and noise of the party goes on and I let the sound wash over me like so much white noise. The tan of the black and tan poured, I reach for the Guinness and look over at Parker, a young Obliviator. "This part takes real finesse, so pay attention." I shake my head to get my fringe out of my eyes and steady my hands, carefully pouring the dark ale on top of the lager, taking care to set a nice, foamy head. Around me, the crowd sighs in appreciation. I may have only one party trick, but the ability to pour a perfect black and tan cannot be underestimated.

I hand the drink to Parker and make a mock bow, catching the eye of a pretty blonde. She's tall and thin and not really my type, but maybe she'll distract me from whatever the hell it is that's slowly driving me mad. I push off from the bar and make my way around it, reaching out to grab her hand, my eyes focused on hers. I lead her out to the middle of the lounge where a makeshift dance area has been set up to join the crush of bodies. I let the loud, thumping music take over, begging with my body for this unbalanced feeling inside of me to go away and leave me in peace. I swear it's only gotten worse as the night has gone on and for a moment, I wonder if I'm going to be sick even though I've had very little to drink.

Sweating now, we're pushed closer together and she rocks her body against mine, settling her arms around my neck, saying something I don't even care I can't hear. I close my eyes, reveling in my body's response to her closeness and I realize I don't even know who she is. That in and of itself it not unusual for me, but it only contributes to the roiling in my gut tonight. All at once, it's as if I can't bear for her to touch me anymore. Something's not right. I have to get out. I have to find Harry.

Taking her arms from around my neck I scan the room for my friend and I find him standing in the archway to the kitchen of the house, a disapproving look on his face. Next to him is a girl that looks so young I wonder for a split second if her parents know where she is tonight and then all the blood in my body freezes and I cannot move, cannot think, cannot breathe.

Her eyes meet mine and in that instant, I know. The unease I've been feeling for the past week is gone, replaced with a feeling close to euphoria but no less frightening. The crush of people around me is too much and I rudely push through, almost running the last few steps to her, watching as her eyes grow larger before I grab her up in a crushing hug, a thousand images streaming through my memory.

xoxoxoxox

Reluctantly, I allow Harry to lead me back into the packed house, noticing how the crowd just seems to part for him. Immediately I begin scanning the throng for a flash of bright red-gold and I can feel my body start to tremble at the thought of seeing him again. Out of the corner of my eye, I see it and I instantly turn my head, my lips parting in a sound of dismay, the loud music fading to a dull roar against my ears.

He is in the middle of a cluster of moving bodies, dancing with a blonde woman I don't recognize. She is tall and model-thin and as I watch, she puts her arms around his neck and grinds her body against his. I can see his eyes close and I want to turn away, feeling alternately hot and cold and utterly bereft but unable to take my eyes off of him. He is absolutely beautiful and my eyes devour his lithe, muscular form hungrily as he undulates against the blonde. I can see him toss his sweat-darkened hair out of his eyes and it's all I can do to remain standing next to Harry.

As I watch, feeling like a voyeur, I see him take the girl's arms from around his neck and push her away from him. His eyes are searching the room and they settle on Harry and a split second later, they are on me. The force of meeting his eyes is almost like a physical shock and I almost take a step backwards, my stomach lurching. Sensing my astonishment, Harry puts a calming hand on my shoulder and I can only watch as Ron pushes through the throng of people, covering the distance in mere seconds and before I fully process what is happening, his arms are wrapped around me like steel bands and his voice is in my ear.

After what seems like an eternity, he lets go and I regain my feet, feeling wobbly. I look up at him, at his dear face with the too long nose and sparkling blue eyes and it's too much. I can't deal with the flood of emotions, so I do what I always do in these situations and I retreat into sarcasm, hating myself for it but helpless to be any other way. "That was quite a show you were putting on out there, Weasley. Tell me, was that Miss Right or Miss Right Now?" The words come out of my mouth, unbidden and I see the bright light in his eyes dim and I wince inwardly, pleading with my eyes for him to understand how I need to be.

xoxoxoxox

"… Tell me, was that Miss Right or Miss Right Now?" The words are shouted and I have no trouble hearing her above the din. Never in a million years would I have imagined that these would be the first words I would hear from her after such a long silence. She's still the same Hermione and I feel disappointment at the fact that she feels she needs to retreat into sarcasm with me, but I am not really surprised. That's how it always is with us, one to call the other to answer.

Refusing to give her any quarter, I raise my eyebrow that way I know irritates her to no end and smile. "Ah, Hermione, still have to know everything!" I see her eyes light with consternation and her mouth opens to protest and I put my finger against her soft lips, stilling her protest. This is just like old times. "Look, it's too noisy in here. Let's go someplace quieter and talk, yeah?" Wordlessly, I hold my hand out and feel Harry slip his car keys into my waiting grasp.

"Fine," Hermione huffs and starts to push through the crowd. I turn to follow her, the previous nagging anticipation of earlier replaced by something else entirely. Harry catches my arm and I turn to look at him.

His green eyes are dead serious and they bore straight into mine as he leans in close. "Don't blow it, mate." He doesn't raise his voice and I can hear him perfectly.

I give him my cockiest grin and toss the keys up and catch them again. "No worries, mate. She won't get away so easy this time, yeah?" This time his smile matches mine and he lets go, leaving me free to find Hermione.


End file.
